Music for the Living
by Clavally
Summary: Rodney uses music to cope with grief.


This is the first fic in my 5X5 prompt table. The song I used is "Ave Maria" from the CD Faire is the Heaven: Music of the English Church by The Cambridge Singers, directed by John Rutter.

Author's Note:_ First, I'd like to thank **widerider** for her awesome beta help! I did keep editing, though, so any mistakes are completely mine. Special thanks to **hobgoblinn** who has been encouraging me to write for about the past 3 years now, keep prodding!_

The room is dark when John enters for their weekly team bonding experience. The whole team is tired after having spent the past week trying desperately to save the city again. John doesn't think any of them have been sleeping well, but he still insists they do this. Connecting will help them deal with the deaths they couldn't prevent and reassure each other of their continued survival.

They lost 7 marines and 2 scientists when a stray blast hit one of the lower labs where Rodney and his team were working. John remembers racing down there after the explosion. How his heart stopped when he saw Rodney covered in blood, the relief when he realized the blood wasn't his, despair when he saw Miko lying there. Rodney looked so lost sitting on the floor with her head in his lap. John frowns and tries to clear the image from his mind.

He finds Rodney sitting on a low couch facing a huge floor to ceiling window that overlooks most of the south pier. His arms are crossed and his head is back, eyes closed. John stands in the corner and watches him. He repeats to himself the mantra keeping him sane this past week, He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He closes his eyes and his heart feels full and heavy.

When he notices the earphones Rodney is wearing, he starts making bets with himself about what's playing on the ipod (_New Wave? Jazz? Electronica? Physics Lectures?_). He looks around and finds a data terminal. His intention is to tease Rodney by blasting whatever it is into the room. Figures it should be good for a little verbal sparring, something to lighten the mood, and it will waste time until Teyla and Ronon arrive.

Only, when he makes the switch and the music starts playing in the room, there is nothing funny about it. The sound is otherworldly and it makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. A choir is singing "Ave Maria". The harmony is rich and reaches inside him and pools in his chest. The acoustics in the room are perfect and suddenly John _knows_ it's why Rodney chose the room. This is where he's been whenever anyone hasn't been able to find him the past few days.

Rodney listening to church music is only partially surprising. He has no use for religion, John knows, but he remembers Rodney wanted to be pianist long before he wanted to be a physicist. Before his teachers told him he didn't have the heart for it. John can see him, the boy Rodney was, technically perfect, but unable to connect his heart and his hands. A problem Rodney's genius was ill-equipped to solve. John wonders if, somehow, this haunting music is his answer. If it has helped him connect to a part of himself he can't seem to reach consciously.

Their eyes meet. Rodney lifts his chin, dares him with a look to comment. John gives him a brief nod. Rodney's face relaxes and he jerks his head towards the seat next to him. John sits and lets his fingers brush against Rodney's. He closes his eyes and lets the music wash over him and through him. Lets himself connect to it, to Rodney.

Teyla arrives moments later. John sees her take in the music, notes his hand brushing Rodney's. He tries to think of something to say to her, but before he can she's out the door again. When she returns she has Ronon, who sits down next to John after nodding a greeting. Teyla is carrying a thick, amber colored candle. John recognizes it as one used in Athosian ceremonies to grieve the dead.

She lights it and takes her place on the other side of Rodney and takes his other hand in hers. None of them speak. They stay for the rest of the night, listening to the music and keeping vigil over the city and the memories of those they lost.


End file.
